11+ Things Couples Should Talk About Before Marriage

By the time you’ve made the decision to get married, you and your partner might feel like you know everything about one another. Even so, there are a lot of things that couples should discuss before getting married but frequently wait to do so until after the ceremony. You’ll probably discover desires, goals, and intentions for your future together if you ask the appropriate questions before getting married.
Disagreement on some topics is completely reasonable. Facilitating a frank and open conversation is crucial. The positions individuals hold frequently have something a bit broader behind them. Couples need to be able to understand their anxieties and foster comfort around them, whether they are worries about being a good partner or parent or worries about conflict. There is no need to freak out if you still can’t agree on something. You can negotiate around it even though you don’t get along on a lot of stuff.
Many well-intentioned couples struggle with conversation starters before engaging. Even if your tastes and aspirations change over time, having a talk before getting engaged can prevent some future arguments. Or, at the very least, the questions will equip you to tackle them successfully as a group.
It’s important to make sure you’re on the same page since getting married is a big thing. Make the time to sit down and talk about these things before you are married. You won’t regret it. Some of these issues can seem a little difficult to address, but it’s so vital to start married life in a position of honesty and trust.

Also check – Common marriage reconciliation mistakes to avoid after infidelity / Questions to ask before marriage

Things Couples Should Talk About Before Marriage

Talk Money

What financial objectives do they have, and how can you work to achieve them as a team? You have to discuss money first and foremost. Being on the same page from the beginning is essential since money issues may cause significant relationship difficulties between spouses.
It’s never easy to talk about money, but it’s crucial to be open and honest about your financial situation before getting married. You should be open and honest about any debt, credit card debt, and any overdrafts. To make sure you are not overpaying for a wedding when you may have obligations to pay off, you should have this conversation as soon as you become engaged.
How do you anticipate dividing the costs, for example. Do you have different expectations about money depending on your gender? Will your accounts be combined? How will you set expenditure priorities? The most equitable approach to dividing the costs is often based on how much each of you makes. You must also choose between having a joint and a separate bank account.
Instead of focusing on how much money each of you makes, you want to start a conversation to determine whether you and your partner have similar views on finances and financial management.

How do you view religion?

One of you may be the only one who practices religion, or you may each practice a different faith. Discuss how this will affect your shared life. Is a religious marriage ceremony anticipated by one of you? Will your children, if you have any, be raised to practice their faith? Even if your values don’t now significantly affect your day-to-day life, you still need to be sure that you are on the same page with this.

Would you like children? If so, how would you bring them up?

Before getting married, you’d think that everyone would talk about having kids, but this doesn’t always happen. You should obviously talk about whether you both want them, but you should also have a wider discussion. If you and your partner have different opinions on this, it might cause heartache if one of you holds out hope that the other will alter their view.
Even if you and your partner don’t agree on how many kids you want, you can always talk about it again after you have one. You could decide that you want five kids instead of one, or you might decide to remain with one or even none.
Do they adhere to strong parenting principles or do they have more lenient attitudes? What about screen time, education, and junk? All these issues must be discussed if you decide to have kids since having a child has a significant influence on your relationship, and you shouldn’t wait until the child throws their first fit to talk about how to handle it.
It’s a good idea to discuss your own childhood experiences, both good and bad, since this will influence how you wish to parent.

How well do we now manage conflict and stressful circumstances with one another?

Learning how to support your spouse while they’re struggling is one of the finest things you could do for them. Everyone is unique; some individuals need consolation, others need solitude, and some need a boost.
It is critical to comprehend this. Dealing with stress or worry causes some people to hide. Others may choose to discuss it fully or write it all down. Understand how your spouse handles unfavorable situations, and explain how you handle them as well. Then, in a negative scenario, you may be certain that you are not taking their answer personally but rather that you are aware of how they are dealing.
However, when we’re genuinely under pressure and having a hard time, we might not be capable of communicating our requirements clearly. By deciding what you require in advance, you and your spouse can support one another and handle stress when it occurs.

How about our respective families? How should we handle our in-laws?

After getting married, household responsibilities can shift for many couples. When you share a life and a home, it’s important that everyone feels heard and taken into consideration. You should also make time for the two of you as a couple and for the whole family as a blended family. If either of you already has children, it is imperative that you discuss your thoughts, emotions, and expectations of family life around this.
Setting limits with regard to in-laws is essential when starting a new family. Many people still feel this way about their families of origin, as though they are still little children attempting to impress their parents. Being close to family is nice, but it might cause problems in the future, particularly if you and your spouse’s family don’t get along.
How would you prioritize our relationship if we got married? is a more important general query. How would you handle it if I wanted something and your parents wanted something else? What are your priorities when it comes to starting a family as a married couple? How long do you envision us being with your family?

What Is the value of your career?

Some people consider a job to be nothing more than a job. Others gain a feeling of purpose from it. Be honest with yourself about how important your career is to you; it may keep you confined to a certain location or ensure that you never settle down for very long. It can imply that you’ll never make much money or that your hours are erratic.
Be very explicit about how important your career is to you since there may come a moment in your marriage when you’ll need to move, take a break from work, or be the primary provider. It’s crucial that you both understand how much the other values or despises their profession.
You should also talk about how much work interferes with your joint life at home. Is it an issue if someone frequently works late? How would you feel if they had to deal with work-related concerns on the weekends or while on vacation?

What Are You Going to Do With Your Surnames?

This is a major issue! It has long been customary for women to adopt their husband’s surname. However, you are free to omit this wedding custom, as not all unions contain a man and a woman. Anything is acceptable, including keeping your own name or blending it with another person’s name. Whatever you choose to do with your title—and since it’s your surname, the choice is totally up to you—you should think about and plan how you’ll proceed if you have kids.

How can we come to an agreement on the distribution of chores in our home?

There is always a question of who should perform the tasks and how often. Decide as soon as possible who will be in charge of activities like bookkeeping, cooking, washing, and yard maintenance. Talk about what you’ll do if one of you doesn’t finish a task that has been assigned to you.
Communication is essential in this situation; if you’re honest and straightforward about it, it’ll prevent any disputes or resentment down the road. Make it plain to your partner that while you detest cleaning the dishes, you enjoy emptying the trash, and you come to a mutually beneficial agreement.

What Do You Think About Your Sexual Life?

Although having this talk can seem difficult, it’s crucial. Are both of you content with your sexual lives? Is there anything lacking, do you want to test anything, or do you sense a problem? Have you both been open and honest about your sexual orientation?
If you’re going to get married to this person, you should be able to be open and honest with them about your sexual preferences.
It’s crucial to be open and honest when discussing expectations for intimacy because partners may have different ideas about how frequently sex should occur in a marriage. Given the changes in our connection over time, that is part of the discussion about the relationship and what the expectations and desires are around that.
There are times of year when it is quite hot and other times when it is extremely dry. Reassure one another that fewer sex sessions, especially during those dry seasons, do not indicate a loss of interest in your partner. Explore further personal opportunities with one another.

How Much Personal Time Do You Require?

Despite being small, this has a significant effect. Find a means to accommodate each other’s demands for solitude; everyone needs a little bit of it occasionally.
Recognize how much space you both require to unwind and how long it takes before either of you feels lonely. It’s important to find out what spending time alone means to you both. For some, it can mean going for a long bike ride, while for others, it might mean relaxing in a separate part of the house and reading a book or watching TV.
All individuals require alone time, but some require it more frequently than others. If you don’t realize that your spouse needs time alone, you may think that they are withdrawing, irritated, or resentful when they do so. If you decide early on that you both need time alone and how that looks, it will strengthen your relationship and prevent future misunderstandings.

Where would you like to live, and how would your ideal home look?

It’s possible that you both now reside in a city, but it’s important to identify early on whether one of you plans to relocate to the country in a few years or to their homeland if and when you have kids. Ensure that your objectives for your life in five, ten, or twenty years’ time are identical by making sure your views of the future are in sync.
It’s important to establish this right away if one of you envisions owning a great mansion and the other a penthouse apartment. Although it’s unlikely to cause your relationship to fail, it’s extremely important to learn as early as possible about your partner’s hopes and expectations.

What does getting married mean to you?

Everyone’s definition of marriage is different. Some believe it to be a relationship that nearly completely consumes them, while others believe it to be a binding contract. By discussing your expectations, you can ensure that neither of you has any unmet wants or demands, giving you the impression that you are embarking on this new chapter as a team.
While there isn’t a certain strategy to prevent divorce, you can offer your marriage the greatest possible chance of enduring and flourishing. You can make sure you enter married life on the greatest possible foot by having discussions about these important concerns before getting married and making sure your needs, goals, and expectations all match up. If you’re unsure, talk it out—ask questions, listen, and have discussions.