27 Funny Things To Say To A Narcissist (2023)

Interacting with a narcissist can be incredibly challenging due to their self-centered and demanding nature. They often lack empathy for others’ needs or opinions, preferring to always be the center of attention and dominate conversations. Narcissists are characterized by their arrogance and self-absorption.

However, the long-term effects of being around a narcissist can be devastating. Their hurtful and deceitful behavior can turn unsuspecting individuals into emotional wrecks. What’s worse, some narcissists are so adept at manipulation that it’s hard to tell if they’re playing mind games or if you’re at fault.

Resisting a narcissist is both simpler and more rewarding than you might think. In this article, you’ll discover humorous ways to respond to narcissists, along with additional advice on protecting yourself and giving them a taste of their own medicine. So, if you’re looking for funny things to say to a narcissist to get under their skin, you’ve come to the right place.

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Do you know what your problem is? You don’t know that you are the problem

The issue is that some narcissists have no idea they are narcissistic. They are unaware that the majority of the stress they experience in their lives is self-inflicted, largely as a result of their terrible interpersonal skills.
A statement like this might be just what they need to snap out of their haze and straighten out their act.
Or not. In either case, you have spoken for yourself and done all you could.

I’m no astronomer, but I’m rather certain that the Earth revolves around the Sun, not you

Is the narcissist spoiling or entitled, and do you agree with what they just said? Say this statement to them—or a wittier, funnier one about “the Earth not spinning around you,” if you can think of one.
Will this enrage them? Maybe. More significantly, it may reveal to them how self-centered they are. They may explode in rage right now, but eventually they’ll reflect on your phrase and realize, “Gawd, I suppose I really think I’m the center of the universe.”

“No Sponge in the World Can Compete with Your Self-Absorption Skills.”

When the narcissist boasts about himself and all the things he “deserves,” say this to him. It’s witty and snarky, yet it delivers the point like no other.
When they grumble, they say, “What?” “I’m not self-centered!” Simply react with, “See?”
Again, this may jeopardize your connection with the individual, but it is for the greater good. Besides, taking a narcissist out of your life is a triumph in any case.

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“You live your life as though it’s all about you.” “What makes you think you’re alone?”

Say this statement when the narcissist moans about being alone or when he rants about fair-weather pals or their spouse abandoning them. It’s thoughtful, especially if they inquire as to why people keep abandoning them.
Sometimes all it takes for a narcissist to change is for him to realize that his self-centeredness is causing him pain. They may not immediately alter, but a phrase like this might plant the seed.

In my opinion, you could be exaggerating your significance in the world

Even though you might believe you’re the center of attention, most people don’t care as much about you as you would imagine. You’re not as exceptional or important as you think you are.

I don’t believe you are as great as you claim to be

You seem to think too highly of yourself and your talents. You are not as exceptional as you believe.

I believe you to be self-centered

I believe you to be self-centered. You constantly brag about how wonderful you are and how much everyone adores you. It truly irritates me. You must learn to be a little more modest.

You’re not as unique as you imagine

You’re not as exceptional as you think you are. You are simply one more individual with an exaggerated feeling of significance. You are not unique, and you will never achieve the greatness you imagine.

Put the brakes on, Speedy

Use this line to interrupt the narcissist when they begin to draw conclusions. It alerts them to the fact that they are making decisions much too rapidly and without fully considering all of their possibilities.

Making someone think twice before making a choice based on their emotions is always a smart idea. Keep in mind the golden rule: When your life is at stake, do what feels right. Above everything, employ common sense.

What if the narcissist is determined to make snap judgments? It’s better to just leave, as it would be in any other circumstance.
Disconnect from them, create some space between you, and establish limitations on how readily they may get in touch with you. Remember that you will allow anything to happen.

I don’t believe you are nearly as significant as you portray yourself to be

You’re not nearly as significant to me as you seem to think. Like everyone else, you’re simply an ordinary person. You don’t merit any more attention than anyone else because you’re different or exceptional.

You’re not nearly as talented as you believe

You need to take a good, long look at yourself in the mirror before you do it again, because you’re really not that gifted.

I bet you’re a master at looking in the mirror

You undoubtedly have a lot of practice admiring yourself in the mirror. But it’s also amusing to imagine what a narcissist must appear like when they look in the mirror. It’s possible that they perceive someone as being even more flawless than they are in reality. Or perhaps they just recognize themselves for what they are: an arrogant individual who values nothing more than himself. It’s interesting to imagine what a narcissist sees when they look in the mirror, in any case.

I’m sorry you feel that way. Allow me to purchase a nice cup of Get Over It for you

When you express an opinion in response to a narcissist’s request for it, they may later try to make you feel guilty. Such circumstances call for a response like this, in which you say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” But that’s my perspective, and I’m going to stick with it.

You’re demonstrating with your response that you won’t back down from what you said in order to placate them.
Like the most of the statements in this page, it may cause your friendship with the narcissist to terminate, but overall it’s beneficial since it prevents you from being abused and (maybe) makes them stop abusing you.

Does my selfishness stand in the way of yours?

When you vent a little or get something off your chest, your narcissistic partner will take advantage of your tirade and turn it into a self-serving monologue. Oh, sure, it brings back memories of a period when I…

Then you attempt to return to your rant, but they once again try to make it about them. They further undermine your complaint by saying, “I don’t know what’s worse—your circumstance or what I went through when…

So you ask, “Did my self-absorption come in the way of yours?” And you stand up and go.
Pay them no heed even if they yell after you and say, “I was just trying to assist, you ingrate!” Since narcissists frequently lack empathy, trying to influence them directly is futile.
However, a sharp scolding like this one could indirectly alter their behavior. This is the best strategy as a result.

You must enjoy listening to yourself talk

You must enjoy hearing yourself speak. Isn’t it like melody to your ears? The sound of your own voice is something that you just like. I’m all ears, so I have some excellent news for you. Everything you have to say is highly interesting to me. I’m yours, so feel free to let loose!
I apologise; I had no idea you were so delicate. I was only trying to be humorous. I’m hoping you can pardon me.

I had no idea you were so self-centered!

It’s becoming extremely annoying how often you brag about yourself and your successes. It’s as if you believe that you are the only one who matters in the world. There’s some bad news: you’re not. Make a new record!

You’re so absorbed in yourself that you probably have no idea how boring you are!

You’re so self-centered that you most likely aren’t even aware of how dull you are! It is incredibly boring when you talk about yourself and your successes all the time. Perhaps try listening to others for a change; you never know, maybe you’ll discover that others are truly interested in hearing about your life.

You would perform twice as well as you do in reality if you were half as good as you believe you are

You usually brag about how fantastic you are, but if you were half as good as you believe you are, you’d be twice as great as you are right now.

It’s beginning to appear a little flat in your reflection

Seeing yourself in the mirror is becoming tedious. Even though you are still there, your sparkle has somewhat faded. It might be time to give yourself a little facelift.

Even your mother probably grows weary of listening to you talk about yourself

Even your mother must grow weary of listening to you talk constantly about yourself, I bet. It makes me sick how full of yourself you are. Do you ever have thoughts that are not about yourself?

You’re full of hot air, like a balloon

You’re full of hot air, like a balloon. You always strive to be the focus of attention by talking about yourself.

I appreciate you reminding me of why no one likes you. I almost forgot

Say this to a narcissist when they are being extremely cruel to you: “Thanks for reminding me why nobody likes you.” Whatever hatred they fire at you in response won’t compare to your first blow.
Narcissists think they are incredibly likeable and well-liked, and anyone who disagrees with them is insane. Such a comment will bring them back to reality and prompt the following thought: “Is that true?” Does no one enjoy me?
Should they make any changes? It’s impossible to know that. Once more, all we can do is communicate with them in the one language they understand: power.

Is this how you always act, or are you just trying to impress me?

Do you act this self-absorbed all the time, or are you simply trying to impress me? No thanks, please.

You seem to be trying to inflate your own ego since you are so full of yourself

I’m shocked that your head can fit in the room given how large your ego is.

Yes, let’s disregard what I said and focus more on you instead

This is for when, as narcissists are prone to do, they rudely interrupt you and turn the topic into something about them.
Especially if they don’t apologize, be prepared to use this phrase to stop the conversation if necessary. (They won’t typically.)

Yes, I’m sorry for forgetting that I’m just here for you when you need anything

Finally, use this when a narcissist wants you to perform a further favor, reject them but you know that after you have, they will quickly forget about you. Then they make a snarky remark about how unhelpful or ungrateful you are after you gently reject them this time.

I understand what you’re saying

This makes the narcissist feel heard, which may be all you need to say to defuse the situation and avoid bringing up the subject of conflict again. Because everyone wants to be heard, making this comment may be one of the quickest methods to de-escalate a narcissist. Even if you disagree with what the narcissist is saying, indicating that you understand what they are saying might be sufficient at the time.

Conclusion:

Dealing with narcissistic relationships can be tough, but sometimes they’re unavoidable. When conversing with a narcissist, injecting some humor can help. Remember, most narcissists lack empathy or only pay attention to you when they need something.

As you can see, there are plenty of effective ways to annoy a narcissist. Next time you’re dealing with one, try one of these zingers and see how they react. If you need to exit the conversation, these witty comebacks can come in handy.

Ultimately, you can wrap up the conversation on your terms, hopefully with a smile, by using one (or more) of these clever comebacks.