Whether it is your first or second or whatever number of times that you have had your breakup, it can be hurtful and you would still not know how to deal with it. But the people emphasize on the first ones because it is the first ever experience an individual gets. For them it is a whole new thing they do not what happens and what to say and what to do and if in that case they have a break up then what to do.
For this reason I have decided to write this article on how to deal with your first breakup. But before that I would like to talk a bit about the emotions that different people might have when they are in a relationship.
Usually, when we are young, when we are in our high school, we develop a liking for someone and come into a relationship. Now this of course may not happen to everyone. So, in the case where we come into a relationship in our high school, we often do not seek for a long term relationship because at that time we do not know even ourselves and are still exploring. We would move to colleges and universities and engage with other people and we might have a change of interest. And usually these students break up before moving to their colleges. This is of course consensual but you know these movies and we ourselves romanticize first love so much that it hurts a lot.
Now as we move greater towards our life some of us may look for more stability and some of us would not and the problem is whatever stage of life it maybe the person we are with, we do not communicate with them and hence hurt ourselves because of the different expectations we grow inside us.
If you just try to implement just two things in your life
- Communicating properly with your partner
- Stop having unrealistic expectations
You will make the experience much easier for both of you and not come on Google to read about how to deal with break ups.
Anyways, now let us move for the thing you came for.
How To Deal With Your First Breakup
It is a decision made by the person you were with or maybe it was yours. Do not forget that you did not willing wanted to have a break up or even the person with you willingly wanted it just because they found someone good looking than you. I mean if that’s the case you are lucky that this happened. This could be probably the best thing that could ever happen to you.
But if not try to get that there were problems and you guys do not have personal grudges or something that resulted in this to take revenge. No, it is not. A relationship is based on both the people, not just one. So, respect the decision that you and your then partner took and try to move ahead.
Do not go on spreading bad words for them, even if they do
I would repeat the thing I wrote up there again. DO NOT be this immature and go on spreading the personal things that you guys had and the things about their past that maybe are wrong but they only shared it with you because you felt safe. They trusted you and felt comfortable with you.
Do not let anything break that because at the end of the day your actions will be there with you defining you not someone others words. You get me?
There are people who would say anything maybe even lie to stand out and to have attention and gather sympathy and support but it is their actions and as you have heard Karma is a bitch. It will get back to them in one ways or the other.
Seek support from your friends
The one person we would find standing with us even if the sun has sent and whole world is on the verge of ending is our friend. That one human being in the world is the best partner and the best shoulder we can ever get if something is wrong. The support we get is something out of the world and they are much reliable because some ways or the other they might have gone through that. We do not find any generation gap and that is the thing that leads them to understand us much better.
If you are going through your break up and it feels unbearable then talk to your friend about it. Have the support from them that you need, visit them if necessary and make yourself as good as you want to because you deserve to feel good irrespective of anything happening with you.
Have some space from your ex-partners
One mistake that we as a human being do is that once we fall in love with someone and that person has their reasons to do not be with you we want them to stay in our life one way or the other that complicates things too much. You already had a relationship with a person and now you are trying to be friends with them. Maybe you can save this for the latter part?
For now it will hurt you more if they would not be able to communicate properly with you and do not give you time. There will be a lot of emotion that would go around your head and then it will be bad for your mental health. Have some distance and then maybe it would make them realize the right thing to do. If they did a mistake leaving you or they want to be friends with you or they want to have no connections.
Write your emotions down
The best way of dealing with emotions according to me is journaling, writing it down whenever you could. It is an efficient way that let’s you feel the pain. It does not let you suppress the feeling and at the same time provides you the clarity of the situation.
It is a very good habit and most of the time recommendable. Once you start writing them down it will be like a habit to you and you will continue to do it for a longer period of time if you like it. Maybe it will spark a new interest in you and you would get distracted from the whole break up thing.
It is okay to feel sad and cry if it is hurting you
It pains and hurts a lot seeing someone leave you whom you loved and found comfort in. That person was your best friend and best buddy in everything. You used to plan surprises for them just for that smile that would come to their face and that was enough to make your day.
So, when we attach all these feelings to someone and they walk out, sadness is very normal. Do not ever suppress your feeling. Let yourself feel the sadness. Accept that the thing has already happened and that they are gone. If it makes you cry. Do it. But keep one thing in mind, That person was not the sole purpose of your life. Maybe at a time they were but now they are not. So, when I say you can feel sad I mean it but not that it affects your whole life. You are spending your days and nights crying about that one person who left you. Do not let that happen, okay?
Make yourself happy and make your happiness dependent only on yourself
The day since you were born and the day today, have there a single person that you have been still together with except your family members? No person in the world remains constant in your life except yourself. So, make it a sole purpose of your life to make yourself happy and cheerful. Make yourself the reason of your happiness and let that be it.
Do not ever be dependent on any other person for your happiness because the time you let someone other take the charge of your life then your happiness is over. Keep that thing in mind.
If it is too tough try seeking professional help
There are times that when we give our heart whole heartedly to someone. We love them even more than ourselves and end up making ourselves miserable when they leave. It reaches to that extent where we are not able to think and speak properly and our mental health deteriorates to a much lower extent. In those cases, when we are not able to pull ourselves up and it seems too hard, we should go and talk to someone who is a professional.
We need to bring our lives on track there’s so much time left, so much to see, so much to feel and so much to try. We cannot sit and not try to do these things and not live our lives because it our right.
Every person is unique and so are the relationships. We should act mature and should not be disrespectful to others or the person we were with because of this reason. The thing is I know the time is tough for you and it was a lovely time you spent with them and now is the time to spend some days with yourself. Romanticize the life you are having with yourself rather than romanticizing the thing you had. Do not live in the past.
Focus on yourself. Keep working on making yourself better and it will always be worth it. If after sometime we feel that yes, this is the connection that you have not felt for a long time and you feel with a person you met, then go for it with the lessons that you learnt you’re your previous mistakes. Try to find your company in yourself and then you will be able to embrace any other relationship.